Are you pro-bullying?

first

“Hurt people, hurt people…”
Yehuda Berg

Over the most recent Christmas holidays, I had my first set of questions about taking on the realities of a life without school.
I knew it would happen and thankfully, there were one or two who had read my blog and had a bit of a better understanding to support me in my corner… Unfortunately, like everyone else, I had consumed a little too much to alcohol to be able to go into all the nooks and crannies of certain issues!
Bloody typical that my first interrogation happened at a very rare booze fueled party (like once or twice a year – rare) but such is life!
So now I am of sound body and mind, I want to get back into one of the questions that kept cropping up, and articulate my answer in a much more coherent fashion!

Bullying.

“It builds character.
“It’s for their own good.”
“Every child has to deal with it.”
“It never did me any harm.”
“It prepares them for real life.”

These were the phrases I was hearing.
So lets go through them.

“It builds character.”
Of course it does. I’m not even being sarcastic here, going through bullying certainly builds character. Everything you go through in life builds your character. The question is, what kind of character are you hoping your child will build?
To believe that bullying is a part of life that everyone deals with?
To believe that bullying does not need to be stopped?
To believe that they do not deserve to be protected from harm?
To believe that they are on their own?
To believe that the only people they truly trust in the world will throw them to the wolves to gain some ‘personality’?
To believe that if they don’t agree with someone/don’t like the way someone looks/behaves etc they have every right to build their character by bullying them?
If you don’t want your child’s character to be based on these beliefs, then what character are you hoping to build by allowing your child to be bullied exactly?

“It’s for their own good.”

Hmm… i’m unsure where to begin with this one! I can’t see how anyone would think that any of the above would be for the ‘good’ of a child.
In fact, with all the mental health awareness campaigns that are rightly splattered all over social media at the moment, it would appear that the evidence is heavily stacked against bullying being ‘for their own good’.
I have placed links to a few of those at the end.

bullying 2.jpg

“Every child has to deal with it.”
Wow. Isn’t that awful?
That really is a point that someone has.
People genuinely believe that children being bullied is a positive thing because pretty much every other child goes through it!
That’s heartbreaking.
Every child used to be caned by their teachers. It was only when someone said – ‘Hang on, this is absolutely awful, we need to protect these children from harm.’ – that it changed.
But every child had to deal with it back then… so how come it changed?
Because it was bullying.
Because it was fundamentally wrong and abhorrently cruel abuse that children do not deserve and certainly do not need.
That’s why.

“It never did me any harm.”
I highly doubt that.
Much like the ‘spanking never did me any harm’ argument… even if nothing else consciously negative came from it… well, you grew up believing that it’s ok to hit a vulnerable child to get your own way.
That’s pretty harmful.
You have grown up to be an adult who thinks that people being nasty, humiliating, vicious or abusive to your child is not just ok, but even positive.
You actually want your child to experience the pain that comes with being bullied!?
I honestly think that you don’t, really, not deep down.
Who genuinely wants that for their child?

“It prepares them for real life.”
So let’s get this straight… in order to be a socially confident adult you need to be bullied as a child?
To fit in in the workplace, you need to know how to deal with bullies?
Knowing ‘how to deal with bullies’ by yourself, with no help (*i’ll get to that further down) is a skill every child needs to acquire, by being bullied?
Something seems off here… and this is where I reveal the big elephant in the room that no pro-bullying adult is noticing…

In my experience, if someone is being abusive towards a colleague, once management is informed, they are obligated to deal with the bully. If the abuse continues after warnings, they are out of a job.
If management does not deal with this situation, friends and family of the victim are outraged and press for the victim to pressure their boss into dealing with it.
If it still isn’t dealt with, the victim is well within their rights to take sick leave due to the mental health issues that have been cultivated by the prolonged abuse at work, and then cause a whole world of legal issues for the company who will be place in a very bad light for not dealing with the serious issue they were aware of.

bullying

So how on earth does being bullied as a child prepare them to be bullied as adults?
Now, here is where it gets even more upside down…
(*Here is my marked point from above.)
The vast majority of the time, when a parent is aware their child is being bullied, they are saddened, angered and march themselves into the school to speak with the teacher or headteacher about it. Some even reach out to the bullies parents.
They will not stop until the matter is resolved and their child is safe from harms way.
Much like it is as an adult in the workplace.
They haven’t ‘dealt with’ anything on their own.
They haven’t been thrown to the wolves by those they trust.
They have asked for help and received it.
They have learned that they can reach out to those they trust when they are in need.
They have learned that bullying is unacceptable and that they absolutely do not have to put up with it or suffer in silence.
The very same people who question me about protecting my children from ‘learning to deal with’ bullies, are taking that ‘learning experience’ away from theirs anyway!
Would you really tell your child they are on their own?
That you won’t help them?
I desperately hope the answer is no.

The reason for that is because bullying is unacceptable.
Bullying is damaging.
Bullying is wrong.

Now… tell me again how my home-schooled children are ‘missing out’ on this character building, right of passage that comes in the form of bullying?
I will, if it ever comes up, show my children that bullying is not ok.
If anyone behaves this way towards me, I remove them from my life, report it if need be and do not accept it in any way shape or form.
You will not bully me.
No one will bully my children.
They do not deserve to feel that bullying is something they ever have to deal with.
Ever.

If you needed any more convincing that children should not have to go through bullying as mandatory life experience – Here are the links to some stats and info. Here, here and here.

“I survived bullying. Let’s work together so no one else has to ever declare this again. Unite to end bullying.”
Gecko&Fly

bullying 1

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Chosen says:

    Thank you for writing and reflecting on this. I agree and unfortunately social media has promoted bullying across generations. Adults bully other adults and children bully other children. I choose to encourage kindness and pray the flame fans into fire!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. weirdveganlady says:

      Kindness is everything right!? ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

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